So I have to be extremely careful about getting pushed, hit, shoved or doing jerks with my neck. There are to be NO sudden movements, no falls, not jumps, no neck snaps...lol. It's all well and good for ME to be careful but the jackasses out there don't understand.

This morning was the worse near miss to date. I HATE Florida driver's. The most set of vagina's driving that you can find per capita. This morning I'm heading to work on a local main road to enter onto the highway. Mr. Jackass is trying to enter the road from a strip mall. He decides he must not stop, but fly straight out into the street and I was the unfortunate driver to have to SLAM on my brakes and pull over to the other lane to avoid him, and truck behind me. I was SOO pissed. 2 seconds he could have waited and then come out behind the truck. But NO. Rush they must. Half hour later my hand is on fire, my neck is pulsing, I cannot lift my arm. In other words I messed my neck up. The medication I'm on has to be taken at night. I am no longer on strong pain killers. So you know how I was in work. Eventually my boss told me I was mad.. that I need to leave. How? I couldn't even lift my left arm; my driving arm. In fact I couldn't even turn to the left. I was pissed. I try so hard to not be in a position not to get hurt. I go out I stay out of the crowd. But can I really be safe?

I've been put on bed rest with my brace till tomorrow. With this pain though I am really considering those cortisone shots. The price is deterring me too a bit and the "more pain" idea but I need to be able to use my arm. At this point I can make a slack fist, I couldn't a few hours ago. So atleast I know it is easing up.

But these near misses are starting to scare me more and more. Frustration is starting to set in. I'm really trying to stay strong because I know once I break my family will too.

Sigh!!

I'm sure my friends are wondering "why de heck dis gyul want more breasts" lol. But I'm more thinking of putting some in my neck. Cortisone shots. It was one of the "eases" given by my doctor to help me through the process before surgery. I was a bit skeptical about it and held off on it so that I could do a little more research.

Cortisone is really a hormone produced in our body that is there to aid the body when it is under stress. Putting it into your body helps to suppress inflammation. Basically, they inject the silicon between my two discs to help ease the tension. It is painful. Depending on the needle size and the space that is needed to get the gel in between the discs. What it is is that they take a needle and inject some amounts of the hormone.

The downside of it is that the side affect can be MORE pain than before the injection known as a Cortisone flare. WTF?!! My skin may also whiten as a result of the injection. The Cortisone can also venture into my blood stream and affect other parts of my body.

I'm really considering it since I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel for doing this surgery NOW. And it get's even more urgent in light of so many "near misses" happening.

So most people assume that I just have a "pinched nerve" when I tell them about my situation. Until you see me in pain I guess is when you would really understand that this isn't just a pinched nerve. I've had to explain over and over what the problem is and realise that most people still won't understand how dangerous of a situation I'm in. It's like two boulders jammed together and resting on a boiled noodle. If too much pressure goes onto the boulders the noodle is separated and I'm paralysed. From the neck down. I now have to be very careful of how and where I walk. I'm nervous to be on the freeway. And though I am calm the possibility of someone else's actions scares me shitless. One shove, one jerk, a push, can be one too rough and result in my discs cutting my spinal chord.

Here's a little info:

What is a cervical disc prolapse?

A cervical disc prolapse is a protrusion of one of the discs in the neck. This protrusion frequently causes pressure on one of the nerves to the arm ("a pinched nerve"). On occasions, a cervical disc prolapse may press against the spinal cord, causing symptoms potentially much more serious than those of a single pinched nerve.

Prolapse of a disc is often referred to as a protruding disc, a herniated disc, a slipped disc, a bulging disc, a ruptured disc or even a collapsed disc. These terms usually refer to the same process.

Cervical disc prolapse is often associated with overgrowth of bone, the latter occurring as part of a degenerative process known as spondylosis. Spondylosis is extremely common. Nearly everyone over 35 years of age develops some degree of spondylosis. Spondylosis can make a disc prolapse more likely to cause pressure on the nervous system, resulting in neurological symptoms. In some cases, pressure on the nerve or spinal cord is caused by a spur of excess bone (an osteophyte), rather than a prolapse of the disc.

What are the symptoms of a cervical disc prolapse or osteophyte?

The most important symptoms are neurological symptoms, meaning those symptoms due to pressure on the nerve(s) in the neck. These symptoms are usually felt in one arm. Pain is often severe, especially in the shoulder and upper arm, and may shoot down the arm to the hand or fingers. Tingling or numbness in one or more of the fingers is very common. Loss of strength is also common, particularly with strength at the elbow. The exact pattern of symptoms depends on which particular nerve is involved.

If the disc prolapse causes pressure on the spinal cord, then symptoms in all four limbs can occur. Rather than causing pain, pressure on the spinal cord causes tingling in the arms or legs (or both), as well as causing impairment of walking due to unsteadiness of gait. Control over bladder and bowel function can also be impaired. Neck pain is a common part of the picture, but is usually not due to the disc prolapse itself. So too is headache a common complaint. However these symptoms are not usually considered to be caused by pressure on any one particular nerve.

What is actually done in the operation?

An incision over the front of the neck is made just to the right side, often running in a skin crease. It usually heals to a fine line quite quickly. The wound is on the right even if the symptoms are on the left. The surgery is performed between the throat and the blood vessels of the neck. The correct level is identified with an x-ray taken during the surgery, then the procedure is performed.

The details vary depending on the particular problem, but generally the disc is completely removed, along with some bone from the vertebrae on either side of the disc. This is rather like removing the mortar between two bricks, and then trimming a little of the brick on either side of the gap. This gives space for the surgeon to remove the offending particle of prolapsed disc or to trim away the osteophyte as the case may be. In either case the object of the exercise is to relieve pressure on the nerve or the spinal cord, depending on the symptoms and the results of preoperative investigations.

Once the decompression is complete, the gap left by removing the disc is filled (implanted) with the disc replacement device (also known as a "prosthesis"). The device and the final appearance on an x-ray look like this:

In my process the discs are going to be completely removed and replaced with 2 prosthesis along with a stem between the two. More info can be found here.

I'm ready to get this done though. It's starting to affect me more than I want. Sigh!!

Today I woke up with a pain on the right side of my neck. Well it's not today. Today is day 3 of that pain. The first day I said I probably slept bad. Day two (yesterday) I assumed that it was going away from my "bad sleep". This morning, more intense pain in the opposite side of where i felt my initial pain a few months back. Worry. I called my neurologist because he calls me once a week to make sure that nothing else happens, but today is his surgery day. I'm hoping that I really slept bad, mind you I am not sleeping with any pillows because I cannot have my neck at angles, so my "sleeping bad" theory is really a comfort to my soul. Sigh. I really hope no more MRIs. The process of that was a story ALL by itself.

Since my last big post on here I have:

• Moved
• Graduated (well finished classes. Actual ceremony is in a couple months)
• Bought a car

I was happy.

Then August through September became a bit trying with the process of buying a car. During this time I woke up one morning with a severe stiff neck. It lasted for a couple weeks. The pain eased up a bit but there still seemed to be a nagging pain in my back. October came with many sleepless nights and extreme pain. I was rubbed, twisted, rubbed, heated. Eventually I saw a Dr who figured I probably had a pinched nerve. He gave me muscle relaxants and some pain killers. January 2010 and I still have sleepless nights; now have severe paralyzing pain in my left arm and shoulder. At times I can feel electricity from my shoulder to my finger tips. My hand at intervals is unusable. So I went to get a second opinion. I was kept on the medication and rushed to get an MRI. A couple hundred dollars later my Dr. is looking at me with puppy dog eyes telling me that she is sending me to a neurologist. There’s something wrong with the discs in my spine. The only fix is surgery.

Panic had set in along with the continued pain, and sleepless nights. Eventually I get to see a neurologist. One of the top one’s in the State. It was quite an experience. Though I was not outwardly worried I guess subconsciously I was because that morning was a really emotional morning for me. I got to my appointment late and if I had gotten any later I would have had to wait another month to see him. On opening my images from disc, “Wow” was the comment made by the Dr. Not a good feeling. I then looked and responded “That’s MY neck?”. Total shock. I mean based on the pain I know it was something heavy but never in my life was I going to think that my neck LOOKED like that.

Basically I have spinal stenosis. Cervial spinal stenosis to be exact. Though this is a common diagnosis, it is more common in way older people and I am on the extreme end of the graph. I am only 30. He quickly became concerned about the use of my left hand and thumb which already the nerve to it had started to darken from pressure on it. Though I felt like I was strong, he felt that my left was weaker than my right. But Dr… I am right handed you know??!!!

Anyways what it has come down to is that I HAVE to do surgery and as soon as possible. There are no other options. I cannot get any chiropractic treatment in between time to ease the pain because the discs are so embedded into my nerve that any sharp movement can lead to me being PARALYZED. I have been taken off of heels (FAINTS). I have to be very careful I don't fall, don't get hit, don't turn my head to sharply too quickly. I am now taking Neruontin which seems to be helping A LOT with the spasms in my arm (it is an epileptic medication) and the pain.

So I am not on a journey of "FIX RENEE". And though it seems to be a situation that is potentially dangerous I'm more worried about getting the money to foot this approx quoted surgery of $30 grand USD than him going through my neck to replace my discs with some plastic thingie. More worried every time I jump into my car that some fool doesn't make the mistake and run into me or me into them. But i have made it so far and i pray that I will continue safely till after surgery into physical therapy.