Support Team

Last week was a really emotional week for me. I wasn’t sure what was going on. I was just second guessing myself and really had no reason to. I was filled with a slew of good news that had me in limbo for too long. So really, I had no reason to be depressed or anything. But I was. And Sunday it really just came to a head. I had NOTHING to do with the constant pain in my shoulder. That I was dealing with much better than I was with this emotional dread that was taking over me.

I couldn’t stop crying. It was surely like an out of body experience because I think I actually was shouting at myself “What the hell are you crying for”. Was there something subconsciously bothering me? I dunno. I decided though that I probably needed to step back from where I was standing for a while and I would then probably be able to see something I was missing. I was quickly tugged out of that idea lol after sharing with a close friend that I needed to “step into the shadows”. I was QUICKLY reminded that I needed to stop running away from things (to be discussed later), and that I had a support system to get me through my stuff and didn’t need to go into any shadows. I think that hour of back and forth arguing got me out of the slump. And not just because I got so annoyed I didn’t have time to be sad/depressed anymore but it made me realize a few things.

I did have an amazing support team. I group of people who have been able to reaffirm that I can get back what I put out. They have brought me back full circle through the last year which had been extremely tough even before my health issues came up. People who have opened their homes, their cars, their fridges (that is a big big debt there with me eh lol), their hearts, their ears, their mouths to assist me with no expectations of pay back. Who have dropped, tucked and rolled with me. Here again I was being argued out of “giving up” (still to be discussed) to me meant that my friends really wanted me around. There’s not enough words for me to say how much I appreciate the efforts and how much those efforts gets me past the pain on a daily basis.

I wish I could figure out a way to let them know HOW much “having my back” is appreciated. It’s either going to be me being my usual fool self and they laughing and missing my point or me tearing up and they still missing my point cause they busy telling me “doh cry”. Lol. But I really appreciate it and it is one of the main things that gets me to look at this episode in my life and still want to try and enjoy it regardless of what.