Clearing out some documents today on my pc and ran into this. Can't remember where I found it but it's quite funny I found this at this time.

Love is a strange thing. It can be the most amazing feeling in the world, or it can really hurt, but in the end love is something most, if not all of us, will face. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.

Steps
1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.

2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.

3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.

4.Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you, do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.

5.Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.

I’ve been given the opportunity to get into something that has the potential to be extremely amazing. In fact it’s an opportunity that I think I’ve wanted for a very long time now. But I’m nervous. Honestly I’m scared. Not scared of the opportunity per se but somehow scared that it may be a repeat of old. Scared that I may be stepping into something and get blindsided. Scared that somehow this messes up and then what? And I know that I may be scaring myself for no reason but it’s there. That nervous feeling of possible failure is there. And I wish I could venture into this without it…but I can’t.

Then Im afraid that my fear will spoil it….

For the past few months I have depended on food a lot. Not just eating it but have started back cooking and baking. Most times it has been happening when something is bothering me. So I make Fury Food!! Lol

Today I has some stuff on my mind and so decided to spend some time in the kitchen. I found a "cheesy bread" recipe from My Life on a Plate and decided to try that along with my usual banana muffins since I had some bananas there spoiling.

I followed the bread recipe to a tee. Changed nothing. It was amazing.

I then made some banana muffins. Another easy recipe (I'll post this recipe later as a separate post).

I've relied on music a lot over the years to get me through a lot of stuff, as I am sure most people have. A prime example is this mix done by my friend after he lost his Dad but it so happen to come for me at a point when I was really hurt and confused. Great Listen!!!





It can be downloaded here: Walshy Fire

I have gotten to the point where I feel like my life has been at a standstill for too long. I have had NO goals accomplished in the last two years (IMO) and for the first time in my life I feel like I am “wasting time”. Or that time is passing by and I’m just not getting on the train. Yes I am being crippled due to a few external factors but surely I must have something going on that will encourage me that some kind of forward movement is happening.

The last couple of weeks have really allowed me to focus on what I may need to do for some preferably upward movement, but in fact any kind of movement at all is welcomed. I have given myself two months for things to come together somewhat. Or for me to put things together as best as I can. My educational goals have been stunted half by myself and so I therefore need to get myself up and on that. I actually think that with that going on I wouldn’t feel like I’m failing. At least, that is ALL me. And if in two months there is no movement, then I think I start over somewhere else.

I really just wish the plans I have now would just come together: educational goals, relationship goals and other personal life goals. I’m ready for a settled, or as close to settled as possible, and consistent movement with my life. And no matter how I try to get things in place for that it seems to just fall on the side. And though I can’t control everything I really think I need to take the reins on what I can control and get on it. And let all the other unsure things fall to the side.

Your parents are the one set of people (for the most part) that you expect to always have held at the highest esteem. These are the people who brought you into the world. And for the most part have taken care of you. But what happens when this "image" is shattered?

My own experience has led me on quite a cycle. This was another big situation that I dealt with myself. My father and I never had the perfect relationship. The majority memories of him as a child is either him annoyed, angry, irrational, snoring. In no way was he an alcoholic or abusive but compared to my memories of my mother with field trips, being at my tennis matches and dance recitals his were quite gloomy. As a result he became "just there" for me as I got older. I know he would reprimand me if I did something wrong. I expected that from him for sure.

By 16/17 it started to turn to despise and by the time I was 18 I really really felt that I just didn't want him around anymore. The situation that happened then was not handled properly IMO. As an adult, with adult kids at that time, a punk move was taken and not only was I upset, I was extremely disappointed that he couldn't be a man about the situation and deal with us as adults.

By the time I came back from college it was an all out war. I didn't even want to hear my father speak at times. I remember one holiday I was leaving on my many trips to the US and I just left. Well I did say I was leaving but I just said bye and walked out. And my father was mighty upset and started a hissy fit that led to tears. I was unmoved. You have no respect for me as a person, I'm not going to want to have anything to do with you really. And it continued like that for quite some time.

I just couldn't get over that my father could not respect the people he had around him enough to offer an proper explanation on the situation. I felt like my siblings just took what happened and threw it over their shoulder and kept moving. I guess being the youngest I didn't learn yet that sometimes it's not worth it. And it wasn't. No matter how I felt, things would not change. No matter how rude I was, how disrespectful, how nonchalant and uncaring the whole situation stays the same.

Eventually I just decided it wasn't worth it anymore. I wasn't forgetting it though. And we came to an unspoken decision NOT to include me in anything that is linked to what happened. Do not speak to me about it or attempt for me to make any kind of movement towards accepting it.

Now, our relationship is ok for the most part. Our conversations do not last for more than 10 mins. I feel like as my parent I am obligated to assist him when needed and I always do. Irrational he still is, but as I've gotten older I've learnt to take people for who they are and now what I would like them to be and communicate as such.

And as I see more people around me being disappointed by their parents in some way or the other, I wish as a child we could learn from early that though we may see them as the giants that they are, we must remember that they are only human too.

I am sure sleep would not be visiting me tonight. I have so much going on around me right now. My brain is on extreme ramble.

I always feel like when it's on this channel it always has to get to black out before I start to get proper reception again. I think it's going to last through the week. Besides the emotional cloud right now I also have to deal with making some tough decisions professionally in a few days. And based on how I'm feeling right now I may be leaning more to relocating than staying.

I feel like sometimes I'm ready to spread myself thin being there for others but sometimes unable to give myself the same strength to be there for myself. Or even to let ppl be there for me. I always think other ppl have their own shit to deal with and so I just deal.

But I think I have a little too much going on right now for me to "just deal" alone. But Im afraid to turn to someone right now. I love my friends/family to death but I feel like I need unbiased ears and unhoneyed lips.

*Big Sigh*

I guess it's one day at a time.

Quite fitting!!



I love this riddim. Mavado kills it on this also.

yuh have mi ova ere a tink fi tell every man weh mi a talk to seh mi is spoken for

seh mi have a man now weh love mi like cook food and mi “naaah let guh” like weh Gyptian seh.

yuh si you? Yuh have mi heart a beat all sort a boodoom boodoom every time mi phone ring and yuh name come up pan mi touch screem.

yuh si you? have a wild girl like me a tink bout sekkle down an all dis tings

yuh come tie up mi heart strings.

Have mi a tink bout cook and clean fi yuh and keep miself lean fi yuh

Just di soun a yuh voice wet up mi panty same time

Mi see all Trey Songz pan yoochoob a sing sexy song

an all mi can tink of is you a buss off mi lace t’ong

Yuh si you? Only you have buttafly a kin puppa lick inna mi belly

Mek mi feel like mi high, mek mi knees dem feel like jelly

Every maanin noon an night yuh have mi heart a shine like a light

A bere school girl giggling and Port Royal Giddy House feelings yuh lef mi in

An mi nuh even know weh wi stand

Mi nuh even know if yuh is mi tru tru tru tru man.

N Dee

Poetrist

http://www.nadyadee.com/

I decided today that I needed to start writing again. So I logged back into my blogger to "catch up". Lo and behold my last post is exactly how I'm feeling today. A little more than a year ago and I'm waiting for another "mark to buss". Only this time I know what the mark is and I pray that it doesn't really buss.

But yea. TODAY I'm in a position that I can't find anyone to talk to about it. I'm afraid to turn to the people I'm accustomed talking to for fear that they would make me realise that how I am feeling about the situation is true and will confirm that I am really hurt and it's not a figment of my imagination. Well that, and that one of the persons that I usually talk to is part of this feeling at the moment. Lol.. weird.

I hope that occupying my time here will take me through this phase as easy as possible.