If I could change one thing about myself it would be how much of myself I give to people. I can't help it. It's something that has caused me a lot of turmoil, continues to cause me turmoil and something I want to stop causing me turmoil. Lol. It's hard to try to pull yourself from being your full self with people. It's like trying to fight being who you are. I'll start doing something and then have to stop myself because I said "I wasn't going to give that person that much of me anymore".
Why do I want to adjust? Because people don't do the same with me. The extra effort isn't reciprocated. I continue to get treated like "whatever, Penz would adjust, I can give her any bullshit excuse for anything and she'll continue respecting me and looking out for me." It's getting really tiring though. I would get disappointed in some way and I would continue to try my hardest not to disappoint. Or if I do, I'm very apologetic about it.
So pulling back myself would be the best thing, but it's also the hardest thing. My nature is to be there, give 100%. To have to give 60% requires a lot of work and concentration. But which is worth more?
Why do I want to adjust? Because people don't do the same with me. The extra effort isn't reciprocated. I continue to get treated like "whatever, Penz would adjust, I can give her any bullshit excuse for anything and she'll continue respecting me and looking out for me." It's getting really tiring though. I would get disappointed in some way and I would continue to try my hardest not to disappoint. Or if I do, I'm very apologetic about it.
So pulling back myself would be the best thing, but it's also the hardest thing. My nature is to be there, give 100%. To have to give 60% requires a lot of work and concentration. But which is worth more?
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