It probably comes easy for most people to see themselves choosing their partner at their own free will and going thru the normal courting process of seeing if this is the right person for them. Dealing with the ups and downs on relationships as a couple. But for some that is a luxury.I was missing a friend for a few days, trying to contact her all the way in India. She spent a good part of her life in Tobago. As I think about it, I'm not even sure what age she came to Tobago at but she was there for her High School years for sure. We played tennis together. Her parents are from India. Both Doctors. Both follow the strict principles of their country. So in other words my friend and her brother were also heading for the field of medicine. It was destined.
We lost contact over the years, even though we were in the same state at one point. Thanks to Facebook we were able to ketch up and the natural friendship we had just returned. Based on her pictures over the years, she had fallen into the "World" quite nicely. She was in India (sign #1) in her last year of her work time in the hospita (sign #2).
Anyway, after a few tries I wake up this morning to an email from her. ALL distraught. She had attempted to contact me before but I guess something didn't connect. Her parents found out she was living with her boyfriend and moved her from her apartment, her friends, her final year at that hospital to go live with her grandmother. Oh they also sent with her two body guards. She can't understand why her parents can't understand that they can't arrange her marriage for her. (Her brother just got married also, but I have a feeling his was not an arranged one). He mother says that they should have lived apart for a few months then gotten married. The option of courting for her is out the door. The fact that they have even added bodyguards to her life shows the severity with which her parents are thinking. I feel sorry for her. She was so happy. She felt that this person was THE person. She was about to finish her last year of some tough school times. She was living HER life. But in less than 3 days she was forced to live her parents' life. I won't be surprised if in a month's time she tells me she's married.
I wonder how I would have dealt with those rituals if they were a part of my life? Do my parents know what I want in a mate? Or were they going to go with what's best for me by society standards? Would his income be the deciding factor? Or his ambition? Or his emotional stability? I can't imagine the emotional distress she's going through now.
She's not the first person I've seen taken out of a relationship by their parents. Both Hindus. One I thought would be a more relaxed being that they are from Trinidad more directly than my other friend's family. But it was the same circumstances. Girl #2 was quickly married and moved out of state. She seems happy though.
So the option to choose is not so much of an option for some people. You would think that now, everybody would want their kids to have the option of choice. I guess how they see it is protecting their kids somehow or making the best decision for them. But didn't you raise your kids so that they can make their own sound decisions? And what if your choice happens to be the wrong one? (Girl #2 sisters were also arranged and divorced not long after) How does that affect you and your child's relationship?
I'm glad my parents gave me the option of choice. And though I have made some wrong ones along the way, they were mine.
We lost contact over the years, even though we were in the same state at one point. Thanks to Facebook we were able to ketch up and the natural friendship we had just returned. Based on her pictures over the years, she had fallen into the "World" quite nicely. She was in India (sign #1) in her last year of her work time in the hospita (sign #2).
Anyway, after a few tries I wake up this morning to an email from her. ALL distraught. She had attempted to contact me before but I guess something didn't connect. Her parents found out she was living with her boyfriend and moved her from her apartment, her friends, her final year at that hospital to go live with her grandmother. Oh they also sent with her two body guards. She can't understand why her parents can't understand that they can't arrange her marriage for her. (Her brother just got married also, but I have a feeling his was not an arranged one). He mother says that they should have lived apart for a few months then gotten married. The option of courting for her is out the door. The fact that they have even added bodyguards to her life shows the severity with which her parents are thinking. I feel sorry for her. She was so happy. She felt that this person was THE person. She was about to finish her last year of some tough school times. She was living HER life. But in less than 3 days she was forced to live her parents' life. I won't be surprised if in a month's time she tells me she's married.
I wonder how I would have dealt with those rituals if they were a part of my life? Do my parents know what I want in a mate? Or were they going to go with what's best for me by society standards? Would his income be the deciding factor? Or his ambition? Or his emotional stability? I can't imagine the emotional distress she's going through now.
She's not the first person I've seen taken out of a relationship by their parents. Both Hindus. One I thought would be a more relaxed being that they are from Trinidad more directly than my other friend's family. But it was the same circumstances. Girl #2 was quickly married and moved out of state. She seems happy though.
So the option to choose is not so much of an option for some people. You would think that now, everybody would want their kids to have the option of choice. I guess how they see it is protecting their kids somehow or making the best decision for them. But didn't you raise your kids so that they can make their own sound decisions? And what if your choice happens to be the wrong one? (Girl #2 sisters were also arranged and divorced not long after) How does that affect you and your child's relationship?
I'm glad my parents gave me the option of choice. And though I have made some wrong ones along the way, they were mine.
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